Is aggression related to frustration?
I learnt very quickly having witnessed it that aggression and frustration need to be separated at source.
Your child will learn that they should have listened to you too, but that will happen later in life – much the same way we learnt later too.
How to unravel the woollen ball
Sadly as we know some parents refuse to accept any responsibility for their children’s behaviour and instead want to blame everyone else and never accept responsibility themselves.
Next let your child know that mistakes happen, even, brace yourself this is radical, apologise to your child, saying something along the lines of ‘Daddy’s sorry for raising his voice, it shouldn’t happen, daddy should never shout at you’. Avoid turning it into a backhanded apology by adding in any of the ‘but you make me angry’ or ‘it’s because you didn’t listen to me’. Before we appropriate blame let’s make it clear that we should never lower our standards to shouting or any other form of aggressive behaviour. Let your child know that this kind of behaviour is unacceptable from anyone. Make it clear that people don’t behave like this.
Once they understand this principle they are more than half way there to learning that they shouldn’t behave in this way and that if they do they’ve let themselves down. To cement this, show them why shouting is ineffective and show them there are more efficient ways to get the things they want.
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Please share some comments and stories of how you have dealt with these situations and what solutions you have found to work better than others. As ever thanks for reading, I hope some/any of this has been useful. Farhan